Messed Up Standards & Mixed Emotions

I’ve begun to notice a trend among guys although it’s been happening all along, to countless other women. I’ll be having a decent conversation and then it’ll be turned into something more flirtatious. Now, don’t get me wrong: I don’t mind that, but there are boundaries and the minute I start to “back away”, it becomes an issue.

I find I have to remind these boys that they, too, have sisters or female cousins; that they, too, might one day have daughters and I ask, “Is this how you would want a guy to treat your sister, cousin or daughter?”

I got various responses, ranging from how he can’t imagine having a sister – I told the one boy to imagine it – and how he’d never have daughters; to another boy telling me that his cousin wouldn’t be a smart-ass like me. What does that mean? How am I a smart-ass for making a valid point?

Why are the standards so skewed that if we dress or act a certain way, it automatically gives boys “rights” over how they can or cannot talk with us? Do we not deserve even a moderate amount of respect? Do some boys think that we have no dignity? They definitely try to make us feel that way, as though we are nothing… especially if we’re not putting out.

Even with the act of sex itself, it’s very hush-hush and taboo to speak about it, but it’s everywhere. My parents never gave me the birds and the bees talk; I learnt about it in school, I heard about it from friends, I saw it alluded to all over my TV or in films and books but none of those things really teach you how messed up the standards are. You’re abnormal if you don’t like it and easy if you talk about how much you like it so it’s taboo to talk about it, but you should do it with at least one person or else you’re a prude.

If you’re a guy you can talk about it and get hi-fives and congratulatory pats on the back but if you’re a girl you can’t be casual about it, you can’t actively enjoy it or even embrace your sexuality with anything over the level of enthusiasm deemed “appropriate” by the unwritten rules of society without being labelled as easy.

I found myself struggling to come to terms with my own sensuality. In a battle of needs and desire vs. respectability and responsibility, I found myself torn between two halves of my own being, saint and sinner, and it’s something we all have, to varying degrees within ourselves.

We should realize that no one else matters but ourselves, so letting someone else’s opinion demean or demoralize you is a waste of your emotions and time. There’s nothing more important, than being proud of who YOU are. If you like it, do it. If you don’t, then don’t. Don’t let yourself be pressured into something just because you’re trying to fit in, rather stand out and be proud of that than be ashamed of something you can’t undo.


Sexual standards

“It’s so screwed up, the standards,” Kelsey said abruptly, tossing a pillow toward the ground. “You should like it, but you shouldn’t like it too much or talk about how much you like it. You should do it, but you shouldn’t do it with too many people or talk about how much you’re doing it. It’s like there are so many rules, but none of them make sense.”

Excerpt From: Keplinger, Kody. “Shut Out.”
This material may be protected by copyright.

If a guy mentions to his friends he got with a chick or two over the weekend, it’s not a big deal. He gets a high five from his buddies and told he’s a man, not just a man but THE man. If a guy screws around with more than one girl at a time, stringing them along, he’s a player, a pro. Someone most guys idolize and want to be. Someone ( unfortunately) all the girls want to be with. Leaving the decent guys shaking their heads at the stupidity of the chicks who friend zoned them ,but will later complain that there are no nice guys left.

It’s okay for a guy to like sex, to enjoy it and be casual about it, to talk about it.

If a girl does the same. She can be one of two things. A tease or a slut. End of story.

It’s taboo for a girl to discuss what she has or hasn’t done, and depending on what those things are she’s yet again labeled and classified as a tease or a slut. Its even worse if it seems like she enjoys and embraces her sexuality with anything over the level of enthusiasm deemed “appropriate” by the unwritten rules of society, and quite frankly .. It sucks.

Some guys can’t wait and tend to pressure girls who aren’t ready by using the worst lines possible ,

” If you really love me …. ” ,
” I love you, don’t you love me too? ” ..

As if false assurances of love should be worth it.

I find myself struggling to come to terms with my blatant sexuality. It’s a battle of needs/desire vs respectability/responsibility.

I find myself torn between two halves of my own being, saint and sinner.

If a girl acts “inappropriately” she’s a slut,if she dresses in a certain way, she’s a slut, if she hangs out with plenty of guys ( who are her FRIENDS) she’s a slut.

We live in a society that is quick to point fingers and place blame , to label and judge but heaven help you if you do the same to them. Sometimes the holier than thou saints that are so quick to judge and label are the biggest sinners of the lot.

Eventually , I began to realize that sometimes there’s nothing more important, that being proud of who you are.

“she had known something all along that I hadn’t: that being ashamed of what you want or how you feel is pointless, and letting anyone else make you feel ashamed is a waste. ”

Excerpt From: Keplinger, Kody. “Shut Out.”
This material may be protected by copyright.

And sometimes, it’s better to be accepted for who you are, than for who you pretend to be.