Messed Up Standards & Mixed Emotions

I’ve begun to notice a trend among guys although it’s been happening all along, to countless other women. I’ll be having a decent conversation and then it’ll be turned into something more flirtatious. Now, don’t get me wrong: I don’t mind that, but there are boundaries and the minute I start to “back away”, it becomes an issue.

I find I have to remind these boys that they, too, have sisters or female cousins; that they, too, might one day have daughters and I ask, “Is this how you would want a guy to treat your sister, cousin or daughter?”

I got various responses, ranging from how he can’t imagine having a sister – I told the one boy to imagine it – and how he’d never have daughters; to another boy telling me that his cousin wouldn’t be a smart-ass like me. What does that mean? How am I a smart-ass for making a valid point?

Why are the standards so skewed that if we dress or act a certain way, it automatically gives boys “rights” over how they can or cannot talk with us? Do we not deserve even a moderate amount of respect? Do some boys think that we have no dignity? They definitely try to make us feel that way, as though we are nothing… especially if we’re not putting out.

Even with the act of sex itself, it’s very hush-hush and taboo to speak about it, but it’s everywhere. My parents never gave me the birds and the bees talk; I learnt about it in school, I heard about it from friends, I saw it alluded to all over my TV or in films and books but none of those things really teach you how messed up the standards are. You’re abnormal if you don’t like it and easy if you talk about how much you like it so it’s taboo to talk about it, but you should do it with at least one person or else you’re a prude.

If you’re a guy you can talk about it and get hi-fives and congratulatory pats on the back but if you’re a girl you can’t be casual about it, you can’t actively enjoy it or even embrace your sexuality with anything over the level of enthusiasm deemed “appropriate” by the unwritten rules of society without being labelled as easy.

I found myself struggling to come to terms with my own sensuality. In a battle of needs and desire vs. respectability and responsibility, I found myself torn between two halves of my own being, saint and sinner, and it’s something we all have, to varying degrees within ourselves.

We should realize that no one else matters but ourselves, so letting someone else’s opinion demean or demoralize you is a waste of your emotions and time. There’s nothing more important, than being proud of who YOU are. If you like it, do it. If you don’t, then don’t. Don’t let yourself be pressured into something just because you’re trying to fit in, rather stand out and be proud of that than be ashamed of something you can’t undo.

Sexual standards

“It’s so screwed up, the standards,” Kelsey said abruptly, tossing a pillow toward the ground. “You should like it, but you shouldn’t like it too much or talk about how much you like it. You should do it, but you shouldn’t do it with too many people or talk about how much you’re doing it. It’s like there are so many rules, but none of them make sense.”

Excerpt From: Keplinger, Kody. “Shut Out.”
This material may be protected by copyright.

If a guy mentions to his friends he got with a chick or two over the weekend, it’s not a big deal. He gets a high five from his buddies and told he’s a man, not just a man but THE man. If a guy screws around with more than one girl at a time, stringing them along, he’s a player, a pro. Someone most guys idolize and want to be. Someone ( unfortunately) all the girls want to be with. Leaving the decent guys shaking their heads at the stupidity of the chicks who friend zoned them ,but will later complain that there are no nice guys left.

It’s okay for a guy to like sex, to enjoy it and be casual about it, to talk about it.

If a girl does the same. She can be one of two things. A tease or a slut. End of story.

It’s taboo for a girl to discuss what she has or hasn’t done, and depending on what those things are she’s yet again labeled and classified as a tease or a slut. Its even worse if it seems like she enjoys and embraces her sexuality with anything over the level of enthusiasm deemed “appropriate” by the unwritten rules of society, and quite frankly .. It sucks.

Some guys can’t wait and tend to pressure girls who aren’t ready by using the worst lines possible ,

” If you really love me …. ” ,
” I love you, don’t you love me too? ” ..

As if false assurances of love should be worth it.

I find myself struggling to come to terms with my blatant sexuality. It’s a battle of needs/desire vs respectability/responsibility.

I find myself torn between two halves of my own being, saint and sinner.

If a girl acts “inappropriately” she’s a slut,if she dresses in a certain way, she’s a slut, if she hangs out with plenty of guys ( who are her FRIENDS) she’s a slut.

We live in a society that is quick to point fingers and place blame , to label and judge but heaven help you if you do the same to them. Sometimes the holier than thou saints that are so quick to judge and label are the biggest sinners of the lot.

Eventually , I began to realize that sometimes there’s nothing more important, that being proud of who you are.

“she had known something all along that I hadn’t: that being ashamed of what you want or how you feel is pointless, and letting anyone else make you feel ashamed is a waste. ”

Excerpt From: Keplinger, Kody. “Shut Out.”
This material may be protected by copyright.

And sometimes, it’s better to be accepted for who you are, than for who you pretend to be.

Tupperware party for your “pantry”

Disclaimer : The content of this post may offend younger/ sensitive readers. It is sexual in nature and I will not be held liable if you continue to read the content of this post.

********************************

So today in class a friend brought along a catalogue for the more kinkier things in this life. A nicer way of saying it would be to say we had a “Tupperware Party”, so on the off chance I ever mention going to a Tupperware party always ask if it’s a tupperware Tupperware party or a “TUPPERWARE Tupperware ” party ( yes, there’s a difference )

I licked lube today and I liked it ( yes read that again cause i did) and I’m not ashamed to admit it ( admittedly I won’t be telling my parents that), during the period before my Italian lecture. XD

It was this heating lube that heated up the more you rubbed it ( friction is good apparently) and when you blew on it, dios mio! Way to start a party in your pants( in normal circumstances ). Even the taste is fantastic , seriously who doesn’t love strawberries and cream???

Okay, before you get your knickers/boxers in a bunch, I licked it off of my own hand so no “wet weather” occurred nor was it an orgy in class but seriously, I have an imagination just like everyone else does so I could imagine what it could do ( digging myself into a deeper hole here but hey, honesty counts)

My genius friend who brought it and a few other choice items to class to show us some of the products she is selling ( No vibes – seriously people,sharing is NOT caring in terms of vibes)

So besides the lube ( and trust me it gets really weird when people tell you to lick your hand and you KNOW you have lube on it and you think they’re taking you for an ass but you do it anyway and are mildly/pleasantly surprised by the taste before going to the bathroom to WASH your hands, nothing more than that), we tested out some other products including the most amazing little roll on bottle of pheromones ever!!!

It apparently helps you seem more attractive to members if the opposite sex( and those who bat for the same team) and surprise surprise it works.
It was tested on people( women) in retail/waitressing and they are more likely to make sales/be tipped more while wearing it, in comparison to those without it on.

I have this fruity/ floral scent ( that i personally think is amazing) while another friend smelt slightly exotic, like the perfect blend of the most expensive eastern spices. There were originally 4 girls in the class and 1 guy and we all tried it, but the guys smell was kind of muted but when we tried it on another male classmate his scent was AMAZING, the first guy couldn’t believe that all 4 girls reacted in such a way to the 2nd classmates scent ( and was a bit miffed – lol ) but he smelt amazing, it’s indescribable.

This stuff works better than axe( in my opinion) , then again at R260 per 10.2 ml bottle, it better work a lot better.

Something that bothers me though, is peoples reactions to sex stuff in general, dear god people it’s sex, it’s not going to kill you ( but what a way to go). Reactions range from amusement to disgust and I just don’t get it. Why be disgusted? Honestly the stork never brought you to your parents nor were you a “monkey on the mountain” or whatever else your parents may have told you.

The fact that sex toys and lubes etc exist should be a good thing and not something looked down upon, at the end of the day woman get as much pleasure from them as men do and there are probably more woman using toys than men. Although some men believe woman who use toys have higher expectations ( because c’mon a battery lasts kinda long in comparison ) but they’re man enough to accept it .

Just have fun ( and none of that “YOLO” crap ), be safe and be aware of what your actions are.

Second Semester Blues

Second semester blues

Well, second semester has started and I DID promise to keep you updated but well, it’s been hard.
So it’s the second week back and the workload is INSANE !!

*Mandarin assignment due on *Thursday (with a follow up type thing due Monday – i.e. next assignment)
*Spanish assignment due Friday ( 150 gorgeous words about going to the doctor x_x)
*French assignment due Friday ( 200 not so gorgeous words regarding a place etc you’d like to visit – basically a travel brochure type thing)

And as for Italian, I’m not entirely sure exactly what they’ve got going on just yet

I seriously need some help or extra tuition better yet, I need to be in direct contact with native speakers of each language. My best friend has also recreated my timetable about 3 or 4 times (and as much as I love her to bits ),she is as anal about study timetables as I am about my study books; if it’s not perfect do it again and again and again …

AND!! On this rainy morbidly depressing Tuesday I’ve realized how awkward I’ve made things for myself.
Especially in terms of one specific guy. The thing about an FWB situation (Friend with benefits) is that NO feelings should be involved. At first I was totally chilled with that, bad break up and if you throw in falling for a douchebag, it all kinda put me off of relationships… BUT! I think I was retarded (or human – whichever) enough to find some way of getting my feelings involved.

Bad thing about that? I tend to be one of those naturally possessive types (We all have those natural instincts to fight/protect that which we deem to be ours – and NO stalking your ex and making sure he/she can’t find someone else is not protecting nor is totally uncalled for jealous hissy fits) and I tend to also get a touch jealous (not enough to go bat shit crazy on the guy; especially if he isn’t the one who initiated the flirtation – and I like to think I can trust the guy I date) especially if I’m not actually IN a relationship with fore mentioned FWB. This is kinda when all these little insecurities I have pop up and I start acting like a total dork.

*I pretend I don’t see him
*I pretend I can’t hear him
*I get “Parry” over little things like a stilted hi-bye conversation
*I over-analyse when there’s nothing to analyse

AND

* I run and hide like a retard attempting to put as much distance between him and myself as possible on a campus such as ours (It’s big but it doesn’t feel big enough especially at times like this)

ALSO!

I should NEVER EVER EVERR IM message people on applications such as Whats App when I’m sleepy. I tend to be brutally honest about any and everything (and I mean EVERYTHING – and trust me it gets awkward)
Worst of all? My wonderful cell phone ( A Blackberry ) has a great dislike for Whats App messages and deletes them .. so I have no record of said conversation (except for a few messages right at the end of said convo that I’ll read when I wake up). Best part? I’ll get the same messages at some random time at a later stage when I reboot my phone.

So far I think I have

*Admitted to liking a friend (he doesn’t believe me though, thankfully)
*Made come-ons to said friend
*There has probably some form of those R rated convo’s but in terms of describing what I have/haven’t done or what I would or would not do
*I might have admitted to some things I would never normally admit. (but let’s not go there)

Anyhow! Besides all of that nonsense in my life…

Something has felt “off” , it’s like an inescapable sense of loneliness that seems to shadow my every move, especially when I’m “alone” ( It’s hard to actually BE alone on campus, there is usually ALWAYS someone around :/ even in the bathrooms) and yes perhaps I’m being a tad emo but hey! I’m cold and wet (well I was cold and wet when I first wrote this blog earlier – I had walked up to upper campus in the rain like a fool) and I think the FWB thing might have triggered it or even seeing other couples on campus.

Yes, I have my best friend who I love to bits and yes I have my wabsy who I love unconditionally and I know who loves me too (He said he’d stop loving me the day his heart stopped beating ) but I know it’ll never be more than that. I’d die for Nuky but I don’t want to have kids with her , same with wabsy. I love them in a way that cannot be defined but deep down I want a partner to love (and yes, I remember the resolution I made, but im looking not touching – although sometimes I wish I could touch… BADLY)

Why is the quest for love such a hard one? Is it because everyone uses those three little words as if it were condoms(Not that many use condoms – look at the size of our population on this teeny “but not so tiny” tiny planet of ours). Is it because they think they’ll have a “free pass” for sex? (Some only say the words to get laid – my advice? “If you want to get laid, crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait” <– best line I’d heard).
I know nothing good in life comes easy but god, give a girl a break would you??
It’s not easy to do this type of thing alone
But then again, who really knows? Life is unexpected like that.

Anyway, I’d better stop rambling and start paying attention in class..
It’s easy to get lost while learning mandarin.. WAAAAAY too many characters ( And yes, I only posted this now but I wrote it on paper during class because whipping out my little laptop to type furiously during class would not have gone down well – at least by writing it, it looked like I was taking notes).

Zaijian
Hasta Luego
Ciao
Au revoir!

More at a later stage, I need to stop procrastinating and actually do my assignments.

Gods Vs. Godzilla

The following post comes courtesy of “ninetalesfox” (Having based it on a previous post -of his, BUT from a feminine perspective and yes I received his permission first). As women there comes a time when it’s a necessary requirement that we use code words or even subtle(or not so subtle –imagine two meerkats in a library on the lookout for “predators” AKA Guys worthy of our attention; Now that is what myself and nuky are like) looks, glances , humming and rib crushing nudges to identify how we rate a guy walking past or eating lunch outside the main food court or even in one of our classes ( It’s such a pity that Blackberry camera makes a noise, especially since nuky and I are in different classes, it makes the sharing process so much harder). To do this we’ve used a scale of 1 – 10, bear in mind, the scale differs from group to group. This is an attempt to standardize our very own scale.

10. The Gods

Greek gods, Thor (as real as Chris Hemsworth is, it becomes one of those “Out of your league” cases) and every other non sparkling Hero that exist not only in our imaginations but on the “Big Screen”. They are the epitome of masculinity, sensitivity, charm and a boatload of sex appeal. These are the tall, dark and handsome men we could only dream about. These are the men that feminine wet dreams are made of. Rational thought goes flying when one of these men are around, we would need to be restrained in order to stop us from going over there and flinging ourselves at one of them. For surely no good could come of such a union besides being a notch on his bedpost. Fortunately, we savvier females are capable of class (albeit we might drool a bit but hey, we are only human after all)

9. The Taken

These are the downright handsome in an “OMG Nuky! He looks like Thor!!” kind of way. These men are not commonly found. These are the rarest type to find single hence the name “The Taken” and if you do ever have that chance, you are morally obligated to at least get some action (Even tonsil hockey) and his number (perhaps for a repeat of the previous night). And record it, to share ever so lovingly over coffee the next day with your best friend.

8. The Singer/Songwriter/Model

These are the guys with obvious good looks knows how to use em. He is often a singer/songwriter or model (Which means he’s had more than a few throw themselves at him). Now beware there are two types to this category. The self obsessed type (who won’t care about you and will have issues if A) You don’t think the sun shines out of his ass and B) your world doesn’t revolve around him ) and the genuinely nice guy type ( who respects you as a person and as his girl). If you ever manage to date someone like this, ensure it’s the nice guy type, unless you actually want to date a douche then by all means go for the self obsessed type.

7. The Boy-Next-Door

Herein you find the perfect balance. He is the perfectly balanced mix of good looks, charm and a likable (almost lovable) personality. He’s hot enough to turn heads but only those of your friends (and other random women in public). He’s the boy-next-door: Good looking bordering on downright hot but down to earth so there’s no ego involved, someone you’d bring home to meet your parents. He’s exceptional boyfriend material: He’s hot enough to turn heads , yet will still let his focus remain solely on you and not on the many women watching him. Honestly, he’s like the perfect male.

6. The Wingman

Also known (thank you fox) as ‘Second-Best’. As the best friend, this is the one you go for when you realise the higher numbers want your best friend, this is also the one you throw yourself at so your friend can have a chance with her ‘Prince Charming’ (He better be a Prince to her or I’d kick the crap out of him , and I know she’d do the same for me). They don’t even have to look good but maybe if he lost some weight, gymed a bit and if you tilt your head and squint your eyes…

5. The Creeper

With a lot of alcohol in your system, making your mind see ‘hot’ when he’s clearly a ‘not’, this is the guy that will approach you, in the hopes that you’re drunk enough to allow him access to your “Special place” (On a side note, if you’re drunk enough to do this often, then it’s not really special anymore, then it’s just a place). And the morning after when all that remains is a slight ( or not so slight) buzz in your head and you realised what you’ve done, he’ll ether seem creepy and you’ll then proceed with that awkward morning after conversation (I thankfully wouldn’t know what that conversation is, as I unfortunately don’t drink – much) or likable enough to go on a proper date with until you find out he has a few kinky fetishes for the absurd ( or Is just generally into the whole weird sex, two girls one cup, the spitting cobra type scene ). These are the guys that lurk in clubs and pubs, always keeping to the shadows and tend to only appear when the female in question looks well on her way to drunk-ville. These are the guys that don’t ‘do’ long term per say but there’s a great chance they ‘do’ however favour the stalk-you-till-you-take-me-back-bitch thing (At this point, you deactivate your Facebook account and change your name to something inconspicuous and leave the country). These guys are the stalkers, crazies and general creepers with the odd normal-won’t-stalk-you guy tossed in.

4. Male Relatives

From this point onwards, all males featured include those you wouldn’t go near with a barge pole (At least not consensually). These are men you not only friendzone but you place them on the same page as family members. They are the guys that make you take a step further than friendzoning (yes, to all my male readers you DO get worse than the friendzone), they are the guys you “Familyzone”. Whether it be as a brother or even like a father figure, this is territory you, under no circumstances, ever want to wander into. These are the best friend’s boyfriend (or Ex) or worse yet an actual relative, these are your ex’s friends and sometimes (sadly) these are the 8’s, 7’s and 6’s you know are complete tools, no matter how much you like em, these guys can even be in your group of friends (this is when it’s the most dangerous, the guys in your group of friends see you as you usually are, with your guard down ; DO NOT GO THERE – Trust me, I know, there’s way too much drama involved ). You would never insult these guys by remarking on their looks (sometimes they can even be 8’s or 7’s – Who am I kidding? You don’t let friends date below 6) but when you’re “predator” spotting ( Yes, females tend to like a bit of danger – and NO danger does not mean slapping her ), these sweethearts don’t even register as ‘dangerous’.

3-2 Poor souls

These are the guys I genuinely wish could get girls who deserve them( and by that I mean girls who love them and not just their ability to do homework or any work given because a “hot” girl asked them). The thing is, no-one can determine their genetic gene pool ( and bitches plastic surgery doesn’t work because your kids will still look like you – rather be content with who you are ) and that’s life. However if these guys ever want a girl ranked an 8 or up, my advice? Get rich. Money is a great motivator to get your trophy wife, but remember, money doesn’t buy love or happiness (unless you’re a tad psychotic and don’t actually know what happiness is), BUT bear in mind, not every “Poor Soul” is a nice “Poor Soul”, some of them have as much sensitivity as a brick and as much charm as horse shit (Avoid them like the plague).

1 Scum of the Earth

These are the guys that make Godzilla look appealing in looks and personality.

The “eX” files: Part 3 : The “WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING” Relationship

The “eX” Files

Yes, most of us know what it is like to have an ex and there are different parts to it I guess.
(Bearing in mind I’m no expert and this is just my own quirky opinion on it)

Part 3: The “WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING??”relationships

Part 1:

Hindsight can be a bitch and makes me wonder why we haven’t created a time machine just yet, just to fix those “never should have happened” relationships, ensuring they never happened.
Everyone has experienced those relationships, the ones where we look back and ask ourselves that one fundamental question after a bad relationship,

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING??”

These are the various relationships that we were too stubborn to listen to our friends and family about. These are the relationships we went through with paper bags (with eye holes cut in them), over our heads, so we only saw our partner (retards tunnel vision). These are the “WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING??”Relationships.

***

There are the emotional baggage relationships:

Whereby one person is either plagued by parental issues (I admit, I have some issues here) or worse consumed by a depression so intense, lassie wouldn’t be able to find her way home in it (and bear in mind, lassie found her way home after being taken to some place hundreds of miles distant in Scotland – this dog could do anything). Usually in relationships like this you either sink (and become even more depressed) or swim ( which could mean you either make something of it – and yes, I know a few happy couples – or it could mean you cut yourself lose and move on with your life).
The problem that arises in these types of relationships is when one person finds his or her feelings have changed and tries to end it.

This is when you get the:
“I can’t live without you” stage:
Here the person in question attempts to blackmail you into staying by (stupidly enough) threatening to end his or her life, thereby making you at fault if he or she dies.
This is the worst scenario anyone can face; no one wants the death of another on his or her conscience (except maybe serial killers and mass murderers who sometimes take sadistic pleasure in what they do).
Many people then find themselves trapped in situations just like this one (I was there) eventually you just have to reach out to your respective soon to be ex’s friends and family (and psychologist) and have them help him or her with the loss of, well ,you. I’m not saying be a total bitch/dickwad about it. I’m just saying give them time to accept it, take things slow, give them time to wean themselves off of you the way mothers wean babies off of breast feeding ( and I’m not talking about those mothers who do it till their child is like 5 or 6 or whatever). One thing is certain though, you can’t be held liable for his/her actions nor can you blame yourself for his/her actions.
And YES! I know there are cases where the ex is to blame but daddy and even mommy should buy a shotgun and keep those types away from your precious little girls and boys. (HOWEVER! Do not take the law into your own hands, DO NOT KILL the S.OB, I repeat, DO NOT KILL the S.OB)

***

There are the “love me” not relationships:

This is the relationship most women (and admittedly some men) are petrified of. This is the relationship whereby one person cannot seem to formulate those three little words women LOVE to hear.

“I love you”

Yup, those three little words can make or break a relationship. To some, it smacks of commitment and some men (A little birdie told me) upon hearing a woman they aren’t related to say these three little words, run as if Cerberus (The three headed dog that guards the underworld) is chasing them because they feel that the minute they say those three little words, wedding bells go off in a woman’s head. YES! For some women wedding bells do go off (NOW these bitches either be crazy OR actually genuinely in love with him). To others it’s three words that could mean the difference between spending your life searching for the right person with the wrong people because you couldn’t say those words or finding that special someone and being brave enough to take a chance.

This is when you sometimes get the:
“Running Man” stage: Named the running man stage (as unfortunately men are more likely to run from this) this is the part where the male usually does a runner (sometimes women do it too – think of Julia Roberts in “runaway bride”). All I can say is rather now than at the altar (or wherever it is that you want to get married). Sometimes the person just needs time and sometimes he/she just needs that wake up call to make them acknowledge their feelings (and NO I do not mean you should kidnap them or stalk them – give them time).

***

There are the “Tom and Gerry” relationships:

As we all know (those of us who had a childhood and did not watch Jersey Shore or Bieber), Tom and Jerry were two of the most awesome characters EVER! They fought non-stop but still loved one another (Hence the name “Tom and Gerry” relationships – Gerry just seemed more feminine to use). These relationships can be extremely volatile as you never know what to expect from Tom or Gerry. Apparently though the sex can blow your mind (That’s a theory one should test out). The problem however arises when one person in the couple isn’t strong enough to be either character.

This is when you sometimes get the:
“Battered and bruised” stage: In a “Tom and Gerry” relationships violence and dominance set the stage for what can either lead to a fantastic relationship (You know what I mean *nudge nudge, wink wink* ) or can lead to something far more dangerous, especially if one partner becomes abusive ,this however is not something to joke about. GET OUT IMMEDIATILY!! It’s the safest thing to do, regardless of whether or not it’s physical, mental or emotional abuse, GET OUT!! You do not want to be another statistic on a chart or screw your children up further. There are help-lines all over, for this very issue.
Friends and family are a vital safety net you can rely on should things go wrong with your partner, DO NOT remain silent about it. And as I stated before daddy and even mommy should buy a shotgun and keep those types away from your precious little girls and boys (HOWEVER! Do not take the law into your own hands, DO NOT KILL the S.OB, I repeat, DO NOT KILL the S.OB – Report him/her to the police and file a restraining order)

***

The “Money –go round” relationship”:

Sad fact, this is the relationship type that usually ends up giving women a bad name. This is the relationship whereby men with money allow themselves to be duped by bombshell babes, manipulative whores or easy access to her “not so secret place”. This is the relationship that thrives when money is involved and tends to wane when the money is less and “nooky” time becomes a thing of the past and the poor sod is relegated to the couch at night because she has a “headache” (what she really means is her legs open for a price – bear in mind, this isn’t all relationships only the “Money –go round” relationship” is applicable here) or she’s sulking.

This is when you sometimes get the:
“Fair weather girlfriend” stage: As long as money comes in and you can spoil her she doesn’t care, when the money stops she becomes like a “fair weather friend” and vanishes when you need her most. This is the type of person that will date and dump you for bigger, brighter and definitely greener pastures. You on the other hand should be celebrating the minute she does (if you’re not bankrupt by then of course).

***

The Friend –Hater relationships:

This in my opinion is one of the worst kinds of relationship to be in. You’re stuck between choosing the people that have always been there for you or your latest partner ( the one you hope will be the one and either put a ring on you or like you enough to let you put a ring on it – A wedding ring on his/her finger for you dirty minded folk out there , yes I mean you nuky – ). This can honestly be tougher than trying to maintain your willpower when you see your favourite chocolate after dieting for two months (I personally can’t last a week). Eventually a rift will form between you and your “now so close to being ex friends” friend and that’s when you have to make your choice

This is when you sometimes get the:
“Shout or Pout” stage: Depending on your partners gender he or she may end up doing both of these things and you have no option left but to make your choice because remember he or she would have done any and almost everything to get you to drop your friends or vice versa BUT BEWARE!!! You DO get those cases where your so called friends are absolute assholes (male and female alike), so make sure you know EXACTLY what’s going on. In the instances where your friends aren’t absolute assholes pick your friends. They were there for you from the start don’t let a great friendship go to waste because he’s hot or she’s got a nice ass. However In the instances where your friends are absolute assholes (who are probably jealous) pick your partner and make new friends (How you may ask? Join a gym, book club or whatever and meet new people). Just always be aware of the fact that the choices you make will impact your life in one way or another.

***

Basically these “WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING??” relationships have taught us exactly what we needed to learn at any given moment. It’s one of those life lessons we could never mature without.

(There are honestly so many different types of “WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING??” relationships that I doubt I could note all of them down, however I will keep updating this piece.)

The “eX” Files: Part 2: You leaving your ex (or vice versa) and what’s next.

The “eX” Files

Yes, most of us know what it is like to have an ex and there are different parts to it I guess.

Part 2: You leaving your ex (or vice versa) and what is next.

Most relationships start out with couples being so “lovey dovey” the first month it actually makes me sick to look back and realize I was exactly the same.
It is all hearts and butterflies and probably cupids pooping rainbows.
It is also all over social networks like flies on shit.
When push comes to shove and as the months go by eventually (if you’re truly meant to be together this shouldn’t happen – but life, unfortunately is not a mills and boons romance novel, well not for the majority of the world anyway. There are those lucky few who manage to find true love) those rose tinted glasses that fogged up your view of what is actually going on begins to crack and you start seeing the person for who they really are and well just like there are relationships that end because your “significant” other left you, there are also relationships that you end.
Why you end it is solely dependent on you. Your needs, your desires and the things your partner cannot give you.

Sometimes it is about respect.
Either your partner does not respect you or vice versa
Sometimes it is about money.
Either your partner is not giving enough (you’re shallow if you believe that) or you’re giving too much (“Drop em like it’s hot” as Snoop Dogg would say)
Sometimes it is about sex.
Either your partner does not “put out” or demands too much when you’re not ready or he/she is a tad too “freaky” in the bedroom for your liking.

There are honestly so many different reasons why you and your seemingly “perfect” other half could split, I would never be able to list it all.

But

Sometimes we end a relationship and to save face we say it was a mutual agreement, sometimes it actually was one. Other times we lie and say we ended it, also to save face because who really wants to be the person people pity because he/she got duped and dumped and other times we’re honestly (Deep down) so glad it was ended by the other person just because people will think she/he is a bitch or a bastard for dumping you (FACT OF LIFE).

The main question for anyone newly out of a relationship is “What now?” especially if you are the one that was dumped.

First and foremost

1)
You need to realize that SHIT HAPPENS it’s part of life and life goes on, if you need more help than that rely on your friends and family members. They know you better than anyone else. If you need additional help I am willing to offer advice and a cyber shoulder to cry on (I’m nice like that) and if I can’t help you I would suggest a professional psychologist.

2)
DO NOT ever say or succumb to the “we can still be friends” line , the equivalent of that, as some wise person once said is – “We can still be friends” is like saying “Hey the dog died but we can keep it” –. Saying that line is just pure stupidity (depending on A) the type of break up AND b) the type of person) and could open up a whole can of worms you just do not want to go fishing with. Succumbing to that line is even worse, especially if you still harbour feelings for the person that said it, I can guarantee there is going to be a lot of pain involved in it for you

3)
The “Things”.During most relationships, items would be given to one another, be it letters or articles of clothing, photographs or even jewellery. What you do with it is up to you. Personally I’d give it back ( but since I didn’t have the guts to do it ) or you could box it up and put it in storage ( I did this ) or you could burn the lot in a bonfire and kiss those memories goodbye (many find this method brings them closure). Don’t be tacky and ask for jewellery back because honestly, what are you going to do with it? Giving it to someone else is NOT an option. EVER. However I suppose you could sell it but its still tacky.

4)
Do not succumb to the guy/ girl that seemingly latches onto you the minute they hear you’re single. It can only lead to disaster especially if that person had his/her chance BEFORE you found yourself in a relationship with your ex. Kindly but firmly tell them you need space because you need to get your life in order ( or be mean and tell them to Fuck off either way works)

5)
Have some tact when starting a new relationship (don’t flaunt it over social networks, it makes you look desperate for attention) wait for a decent period of time before SLOWLY integrating this other person onto your social networks, bear in mind that it is only if you feel the need to “stake your claim” and show the world you did better (don’t show the world if you dropped your standards – Seriously. DO NOT SHOW THE WORLD)

6)
Do not advertise your new relationship on social networks like it’s a new puppy or sports award. It is NOT going to end well if the relationship ends, however if you do feel the need to share it with the world ( I admit, I sometimes feel that need) then do it in a way that yeah your friends etc know but DO NOT EVER stoop to the level of slandering the other person if it ends. Facebook ex wars are fucken funny for those of us watching (reading) but can also be painful for the people involved especially if you share a group of friends.

7)
The “rebound” thing works perfectly, provided you’re not “rebounding” with someone that actually thinks it’s going to end up being a proper relationship. Make sure the rules are clear from the start. Sometimes you may even find that you have stronger than average feelings for your “rebound” and that’s okay. Just always make sure you’re on the same page with the person

8)
As much fun as it would be to make your ex jealous with your new partner it’s not always the way to go unless (forgive me I am but human and bear in mind, the little imp on my shoulder made me put this here) your ex was a complete dick-wad/bitch and you know for a fact your new partner can hold his/her own against them then by all means: GO FOR IT

And mostly importantly

9)
Take it slow. Don’t rush into anything just so you can forget.
Just be you. Its the most important thing you can do

There’s also so many different things you can do to move on with your life to find that special someone.
That someone that deserves and accepts you despite your quirks.

All I can say (as overused – and surprisingly full of historical meaning- as it may be) is,
“Keep calm and carry on”