Is there a point, where the pain becomes too much?
Is this when you reach for that first bottle of jack hoping he’ll be a good friend and you won’t remember anything.
Hoping he’ll numb you to the sensation of having your soul stripped off, lash by lash by each emotional whipping you receive.
Is this the point where you stop taking it like a cowering dog and do your own thing, numbing yourself inside and out to avoid the bitter disappointment, all with the help of good ol’Jack?
Does Jack help you forget the first time you kissed? The 14th of January
Does Jack help you forget the intensity that flared between you? The 3rd of March
Does Jack remind you of all the good times, the laughs, the stolen kisses on starry nights or does Jack bring back memories of being taken for granted and all the tears, sleepless nights and feelings of inadequacy.
Does Jack remind you that you’re not enough?
You’re not skinny enough
You’re not pretty enough
You’re not religious enough
You’re too loud and abrasive
You’re too friendly with guys
You don’t deserve it
You never did
All you deserved was the torment you received when you were younger, a continuous cycle of hell.
You deserved it then.
You asked for it then.
You deserve this now too
Does Jack finally, slowly, take everything away, until all you see is darkness or does jack slowly numb your senses to the point where you only come awake upon impact? Perhaps not even then, because perhaps Jack did his job right this time and you’ve gotten your wish.
Your life and others destroyed, because you had to numb yourself from the constant screams of agony at each lashing.
How do you save yourself from drowning in a bottle? Even though you know the answer won’t be there, do you still try to find it there?
How do you numb yourself?
How do you find yourself again?
How do you live a lie again?