Really woman?

I read the original expression on UCT Confessions and I felt the inane desire to respond accordingly and I did. No doubt the response will receive critical reviews (grammar nazi’s, sexists, feminists and the like) but honesty some women just don’t get it. There is a lot more to life than money or looks or the petty things that women seem to go on about. I’m female and even I get annoyed by the fact the stereotypes enforce the fact that ALL women want a guy with money and looks and that irks me to no end.

I don’t want a guy for money or looks. I want someone who will be happy with me and accept me as I am. I’ve learnt to be strong enough on my own before coming to rely on any one else. Granted I have my moments of weakness where I’m “stupid” and act rashly but that makes me human, not fragile or vapid.

This world we live in is filled with misconceptions. Like those you’ll read below but honestly? Change takes time. Some people are old fashioned, others too independent for their own good (and that’s when trouble comes calling ). Women can’t change the view of all the men in the world but they should focus on changing the views of the men who matter in their lives.
Relationships are a give and take. Not only a take or only a give. It’s a partnership.

Granted the expression is meant as a light hearted joke but the sad truth is that many men won’t accept it as a joke. Females will see it in a light hearted manner but turn the tables and BAM most of them scream and rage at the “blatant sexism” and begin baying for blood.

So here is the expression and my response…
(I thought I’d post it here first)

In response to UCTExpression 2893

1.The nice men are ugly.
-No. You friend zoned that motherfucker so hard he saw stars before you had a chance to see what he “looks” like INSIDE. Looks fade with age, personality doesn’t ( just a tip though : plastic surgery won’t help you either ..)
Also. Take what you can get woman (if his handsome, ugly whatever), I’m not saying settle but no-one likes the crazy cat lady next door.

2.The handsome men are not nice.
-That’s an assumption. Just like my assumption that you are intelligent.

3.The handsome and nice men are gay.
-gay guys usually know where to find the hottest guys – make use of that

4.The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
-The hot nice girl is dating a douchebag anyway

5.The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money
-The girls who aren’t so pretty but are nice shouldn’t care about money. That’s why they’re NICE

6.The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
-The girls who aren’t so hot, think they’re the shit without having anything to back it up, seem to be the money hungry greedy bitches.
(Just a tip for the guys .. It’s called a Pre-Nup )

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
– Same applies to chicks if the situation were reversed ( it always comes down to the money doesn’t it? It’s no wonder you get those misogynistic chauvinistic bastards who think women are beneath them. Make your own damn money )

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough.
-The beautiful girls have self esteem issues when the aforementioned not so pretty girls think they’re the shit ( where is the logic in that )

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
-Girls need to grow that metaphorical pair and approach a guy. How dare you spout feminist bullshit about being equals when you won’t even a approach a guy. CONFIDENCE is sexy ( but arrogance is not – back your shit up )

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
-Again. Where’s the equality? Confidence trumps arrogance.

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
-Okay, this seems to happen since some guys can’t deal with what they perceive to be a “dominant” female. But quit whining and find a guy who can, there are plenty of guys who dig that.

NOW, WHO CAN REALLY UNDERSTAND MEN?
– Bitch please, who can really understand women ?? I’m female and I don’t even understand the way some women think.
You want what you can’t have and when you get it you don’t want it anymore.

“”Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job, to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.”
-stomp on a woman and she’ll cry abuse, so this reverse won’t work

“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it’s only a question of degree.”
W. C. Fields

Sometimes I wonder about humanity..
And I wonder if most of us realize we’re slowly but surely loosing ours…

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Boys will be boys

So the other day I attended the 21st celebrations of a university friend, and honestly it was an amazing night. I saw a different side to a guy that I at first Was determined not to like ( simply because he was persistently pesky -but in a fun way- also there was the issue with the asswipe from the previous posts)

Eventually I went on a date to Kirstenbosch Gardens with this guy, determined to give him a chance ( new year, new beginnings and all that) and I found myself liking him a little more.

The 21st was a bit of a nightmare at first, the decorations were perfectly classy and slightly quirky ( which is just how he is – it was a black and white themed evening , in true Sir style) and the venue was a dream but not being the friendliest person at times and knowing only the birthday boy himself ( and the classmate who introduced us) I felt like I’d gone off the deep end.

Throughout the night I made some new friends, as well as befriending his equally as persistent cousin who seemed determined to get us ( birthday boy and myself) together. Fed up , slightly exasperated and quite embarrassed ( I AM a little shy you see) I asked why me? Wasn’t there another girl who he wasn’t related to? And she replied that’s got nothing to do with it,you’re the prettiest one here.

I think at that moment I might’ve died on the spot ( had dying at a compliment not been even more embarrassing) , I mean I know I brush up well but I didn’t know I did it THAT well, I found myself considering what she and his other friend were saying ( the other friend mentioned how the birthday boy only invited a select few people to his celebrations etc etc)

As mentioned before at the 21st I saw a different side to him; a humorous , witty, slightly sarcastic side I found myself liking.

The following day ( today) when I mentioned to him my only regret was not kissing him… After a drawn out process where I demanded answers and he answered he replied,

“We’re good as just friends so let’s not complicate it. Plus I have feelings for someone else.”

Excuse me? So why ask me out?

Because it was only a mild crush a week ago and he had thought nothing of it.

The bitch in me, doesn’t care .
She’s simply annoyed that he wasted her time,
But the girl, she’s unsure of how to feel.

I mean you finally start to feel something for someone, genuine feelings and you get shot down when you express a desire to try.

I guess when a guy gets what he wants; be it a date, a kiss or even sex.
He doesn’t feel the need to care anymore. It really is more about the thrill of the chase than anything else. I say this because in that same week ago he developed this mild crush on an unknown girl, he was still explaining to me why we’d make an okay if not good couple.

All I can say?
There are about 360 days left to this year,
Things might not have worked out with this guy but maybe it’ll work out with the next guy brave enough to try.

Boys will be boys, but a real man won’t waste a woman’s time.

Tupperware party for your “pantry”

Disclaimer : The content of this post may offend younger/ sensitive readers. It is sexual in nature and I will not be held liable if you continue to read the content of this post.

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So today in class a friend brought along a catalogue for the more kinkier things in this life. A nicer way of saying it would be to say we had a “Tupperware Party”, so on the off chance I ever mention going to a Tupperware party always ask if it’s a tupperware Tupperware party or a “TUPPERWARE Tupperware ” party ( yes, there’s a difference )

I licked lube today and I liked it ( yes read that again cause i did) and I’m not ashamed to admit it ( admittedly I won’t be telling my parents that), during the period before my Italian lecture. XD

It was this heating lube that heated up the more you rubbed it ( friction is good apparently) and when you blew on it, dios mio! Way to start a party in your pants( in normal circumstances ). Even the taste is fantastic , seriously who doesn’t love strawberries and cream???

Okay, before you get your knickers/boxers in a bunch, I licked it off of my own hand so no “wet weather” occurred nor was it an orgy in class but seriously, I have an imagination just like everyone else does so I could imagine what it could do ( digging myself into a deeper hole here but hey, honesty counts)

My genius friend who brought it and a few other choice items to class to show us some of the products she is selling ( No vibes – seriously people,sharing is NOT caring in terms of vibes)

So besides the lube ( and trust me it gets really weird when people tell you to lick your hand and you KNOW you have lube on it and you think they’re taking you for an ass but you do it anyway and are mildly/pleasantly surprised by the taste before going to the bathroom to WASH your hands, nothing more than that), we tested out some other products including the most amazing little roll on bottle of pheromones ever!!!

It apparently helps you seem more attractive to members if the opposite sex( and those who bat for the same team) and surprise surprise it works.
It was tested on people( women) in retail/waitressing and they are more likely to make sales/be tipped more while wearing it, in comparison to those without it on.

I have this fruity/ floral scent ( that i personally think is amazing) while another friend smelt slightly exotic, like the perfect blend of the most expensive eastern spices. There were originally 4 girls in the class and 1 guy and we all tried it, but the guys smell was kind of muted but when we tried it on another male classmate his scent was AMAZING, the first guy couldn’t believe that all 4 girls reacted in such a way to the 2nd classmates scent ( and was a bit miffed – lol ) but he smelt amazing, it’s indescribable.

This stuff works better than axe( in my opinion) , then again at R260 per 10.2 ml bottle, it better work a lot better.

Something that bothers me though, is peoples reactions to sex stuff in general, dear god people it’s sex, it’s not going to kill you ( but what a way to go). Reactions range from amusement to disgust and I just don’t get it. Why be disgusted? Honestly the stork never brought you to your parents nor were you a “monkey on the mountain” or whatever else your parents may have told you.

The fact that sex toys and lubes etc exist should be a good thing and not something looked down upon, at the end of the day woman get as much pleasure from them as men do and there are probably more woman using toys than men. Although some men believe woman who use toys have higher expectations ( because c’mon a battery lasts kinda long in comparison ) but they’re man enough to accept it .

Just have fun ( and none of that “YOLO” crap ), be safe and be aware of what your actions are.

The Mid-Year Resolution

I’m so sick of the douchebags.
I’m so sick of guys that are full of themselves, filled with the misguided notion and concept that they are men, when they are in-fact boys at best.

I’m sick of being treated like nothing.
I’m sick of being bothered by boys acting like assholes, especially if I harboured (Note: Past Tense) not so secret feelings for one of them but you know what?

I’m over it.
No more assholes.
No more being treated like dirt.
No more egos.
No more douchebags
And most importantly
NO MORE BOYS!

If I date again, I don’t want to date a boy.. I’d like someone I’d define as a man and yes that definition differs based on my personal opinion and taste but you know what, when I find the right man, I’ll let you know exactly what that definition is.
I’m not looking for “Mr Right” I’m looking for “Mr Right Now (who might stick around for awhile)”
I won’t say no to a spot of fun ( Dependent on who is asking )
Because I know what I’m worth and currently, this is not it

But for now..
I have my mid-year resolution..

NO MORE BOYS!

Who knows, I may even break this resolution for a boy that may fool me into thinking he’s a man.
Only time will tell..

C’est la vie 🙂

The Greatest Friend

Sometimes we say “oh hey! This is so and so and they’re my best friend” yet a few months down the line “so and so” has become “what’s her face” .. And yes .. “What’s HER face” women in general are a lot more fickle about friendships than men..

Most men have this great simplicity about them ..They either have a bro-mance or a no-mance .. There are their best friends, friends and people they don’t like. Period
We women tend to over analyse and over complicate our friendships. Much in the same manner we over analyse our relationships with those of the less fairer sex..

Women will almost always be nice at face value to other women. We will play nice but beware .. There are hidden claws and venomous fangs..
Sometimes, it seems as if a chupacabra would be more straightforward with you than a woman.

However

There are those rare moments when a woman makes a friend that is truly always there for her, and I’m not talking about those drawn out get to know you over a few months, come to rely on you and value you after years moments. I’m talking about that instant click where two months later you know almost everything about each other.

A no holds barred friendship where you can have your say and know it won’t be taken the wrong way. A friendship in which support for each other, trust in one another and a faith in each other so strong, nothing and no man or woman can attempt to “divide and conquer”.

This no holds barred friendship. Is one I am extremely pleased to say I am a part of.

Recently I met the most fantastic best friend a woman could ask for, and I know I’d do absolutely anything for her and I know she would do the same for me.

Following the massive falling out I had with my father, she offered to drive all the way to my place to fetch me, so i could spend the night at hers. Bearing in mind the fact she could not drive for more than 10 minutes without losing the little food she had left in her stomach.. and I live about 30 or so minute away.

That is the kind of friendship we share.

If she had to come to me with a body I would help her hide it.

If she had problems with her boyfriend (or ex) I would kick his ass.

If she needed a place to stay there is always room at my place.

This is the friend I’d take a bullet for.

I love her to bits and I know she’d do all of those things for me.

Sometimes, as with relationships.
You need the right person to help you shine and sometimes, it is worth the wait 🙂