Lost

Thunderous echos within
Fading; A staccato rhythm to it’s beat.

A little girl; lost within the ashen chambers,
of a palace once rose red and filled with hope.

Lost

Forgiven but never forgotten,
her past transgressions torment her

Lost within the woman she is yet to become,
she curls up in a corner;
clutching a ratty blanket of memories to her form.

A mediocre form of protection.

Anything to keep warm,
Anything to keep safe,
from the bitter coldness that now torments her every waking moment,
from the demons that now plague her soul.

The bitter coldness, that causes the adolescent that she is still is;
to teeter..
on the edge of madness,
to spread her arms open in jubilation..
to welcome the darkness within

So cold.
So very cold.

Lost within the child she has now become,
the woman clings to her sanity
and her childlike innocence..

Her belief in the promise of tomorrow;
A beacon that lights her way, pulling her away from the edge.

Still,
She stumbles and falls; succumbing to the little broken girl inside of her.
Tears falling; bright red against the stark whiteness of her surroundings.

A rose red; the same colour that her now ashen palace of dreams, once was.

To the greatest “Ma” ever

Happy Birthday to the greatest gran ever..

A photo taken on my 1st birthday .. Posted 18 years later on her birthday.. (And I know how much she hated having her picture taken)
6 years later and I still miss you every day.
I remember how I used to hate it when you would plait my hair but I knew it was for my own good.
I remember how we used to watch Charlie Chaplin movies together late at night.
I remember how you spoiled me rotten and let me drink ( well lap ) my tea out of a saucer when it was too hot for me to drink.
How you would laugh when my aunts would make me eat my veg.
How proud you were on Sundays when I was dressed like a little princess each Sunday for church.
How you would argue with Aunties when it was past my bedtime on a Sunday night, so we could watch Walker Texas Ranger together.
How I would lie behind your back each night after saying my nightly prayers.
How you would help me remember the words when I had forgotten or stumbled along the way.
I remember how you called my germs, Jams when I had the flu once.
I remember how we used to watch SABC 2 every weekday, regular as clockwork at 10am during the December holidays for the kiddies movies they played, even though we’d seen them a million times.
I remember how you used to shout at the TV when some character was being stupid.
I don’t remember it but I was told I even found your bottle of expensive Red Door perfume when I was little and smothered myself and your room in the scent.
I remember helping you when you needed it.
I remember you chuckling to yourself when Aunty Sheryl put my tiny self on the counter that looked like it was a million miles from the floor ( so I wouldn’t get off) to make me learn the months of the year.
I remember how proud you were of me and I can only hope that I follow along a path in this life, that would still make you proud of me, that would make you look down from above and smile.

I wish you were there for my matric dance, I wish you were there when I   needed guidance and prayers for my fears concerning my matric finals, I wish you had been there when I had finished my matric exams and passed. I wish you could’ve been there when I got my university acceptance letter. I wish you could be here now.

I will miss having you at my wedding one day. I will miss so many moments with you but I can only be grateful that I actually had a chance to have  and share some moments with you.

You were my guidance and counsel, you were like another mother to me. You were an integral part of my upbringing and one of the main reasons I am the way I am and I could never thank you enough for that.

I miss you ma, more than words could ever say,
and don’t worry ma.. I haven’t forgotten my promise to you.

I will look after my aunts, and I will do my utmost to make you proud of me.

1 night in Cape Town

I think I fell in like,
After 1 night in Cape Town
I think I fell deeper
After 1 night and a coffee in Cape Town.

A darkened room
Music blaring
People dancing
Strangers staring

Just 1 night in Cape Town
That’s all we ever had
Just a 1 nighter in Cape Town
That’s all I’ll ever be

Pushed towards you
By friends I’ll never forget
For just 1 night
I’ll never regret

Just 1 night in Cape Town
Dancing together
Just 1 night in Cape Town
Singing to one another

Twisting and turning
It felt so right
Smiling up at you
The entire night

Just 1 night in Cape Town
You told me to never be lonely
Just 1 night in Cape Town
A million kisses to help me on my way

Flirtatious smiles
A girl embolden by liquid courage
Her looks not too innocent
Her touches meant to encourage

It took,
Just 1 night in Cape Town
For you to make me lose my mind
Just 1 night in Cape Town
To prove you’re one of a kind

Quirky lines
Visible on glowing screens
Lots of laughter
Behind the scenes

It took,
Just 1 night in Cape Town
To make me feel like I’ve never felt before
Just 1 night in Cape Town

Meaningless banter
Filled with meaning
A lightness within
I’m not used to feeling

Just 1 night in Cape Town
It’s all we’ll ever get
Just 1 night in Cape Town
A night I’ll never forget

There are no words to describe this, Thank you Mr Tait

Jethro Tait has done it again, this time in the most beautifully heart wrenching way possible.

His newest song, Necklace had silent tears spilling down my face before the song was even over, and even now that the song has ended, it haunts me in the most beautiful way.

http://soundcloud.com/jethrotait/necklace

Thank you for the tears Mr Tait, but Thank you most of all for the Memories you’ve recreated and the dormant dreams you’ve brought back to life…

TAG! – I’m it !!

YAY!!!!!! I’m IT!! I was semi-reccently tagged in a blog tagging game by Jae Lei Nyght and it seemed fun so I answered 🙂 It’s a great way to get to know one another without feeling obligated to answer so here goes …

First and Foremost

The Blog Tag Rules

1. Post the rules
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
3. Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged (or use the existing ones)
4. Tag (eleven) people with a link to your post
5. Let them know they’ve been tagged

Jae Lei Nyght’s Questions and My Answers
1. What are five things you love most about yourself?

  •  I can get along with almost anyone
  •  I tend to have a “sixth sense” of sorts about certain people
  •  I’m feisty
  •  I can be a hard worker (when I want to)

And last but not least (as vain as it is)

  •  I LOVE my hair (Seriously, people are not allowed to touch my hair easily)

2. What is your fondest memory

Sitting and watching “Walker Texas Ranger” with my gran late at night while my aunts would complain it was waaay past my bedtime. ( I was like 5 or 6 – and it was a tradition of sorts my grandmother and I shared)

3. When you think of home, what do you see, taste, feel?

I think of how I would spend my weekends and holidays staying at my grandmother’s house with my two aunts. I see the love we shared for one another, laughing, crying ( I cired a lot – especially when my aunt would put me on the “high” – not that high actually – counter to force me to study the months of the year and the times table) , I taste the awful taste of vegetables ( I’m not the biggest veggie fan but I was bribed with chocolate to eat my veg .. so even if it took me an hour – which it sometimes did- I ate my veg) and I FEEL the love we share… My ma (or Grandmother) passed away in 2006 and it somehow brought us closer together. I love my aunts more than anything and I know I could never repay them for what they’ve done for me

4. Pretend you’re a stranger reading your blog. What is one word you would use to describe it?

Ridiculous

5. “To be or not to be, that is the question?” by William Shakespeare What does this quote mean to you?

To me, it means I need to live MY life to the fullest. . I need to “BE” NO ONE else but ME. I will not spend it trying to emulate others because of “trends”. I need to “BE” all I can or rather not exist. Life is a precious gift that was not meant to be wasted and being anything less than MYSELF would be a tragedy. I am ME and that’s the best person I could ever be.

6. If you could go back in time, where would you go? And why?

I would like to go to the 1995 Rugby World Cup match in South Africa, I’m not a big Rugby fan (I don’t understand the rules etc of the game) but that was an amazing moment in South African history. That was the moment when a nation truly became united regardless of colour.

7. If you could undo one thing from your past, what would it be?

I wouldn’t undo anything (except maybe letting my mother see that love bite by accident – VERY awkward explanation). Everything that has happened to me has made me who I am. It’s made me stronger and wiser ( MUCH wiser) and I doubt i’d survive without the knowledge I’d gained from it all.

8. What’s your favorite color and why?

I like black but technically black isn’t a colour, so all colours I suppose. I like the colour black simply because it goes with EVERYTHING (In terms of clothing) but otherwise anything moderately vibrant and upbeat but then again it is all dependent on my mood.

9. They say you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. What is one attribute about your best friend or spouse that is most similar to you?

There is no one attribute. My best friend could be my twin, if it wasn’t for the fact she is older and well, white. It’s actually scary how alike we are. We also balance each other out, when she’s feeling insane, I’m the sane one. When I feel depro, she is the bundle if happiness I need and vice versa. We can act like meerkats while guy spotting and just mention one thing (ie. Blue shirt, my left etc) and we’ll know exactly who the other is talking about.

10. If you could have one power in the world what would it be and why?

I would want to be able to shape shift into ANYTHING because there would be nothing more badass than shifting into a fire breathing dragon, with poisonous claws and a wickedly spiked tail, to scare the shit outta the asshole who is bugging you or your friend. Also it would be SUPER epic to shift into any animal (except insects, I have this tendency to freak out when i’m around insects or well when they are around me .. if I could climb walls I would, ANYTHING to get away).

And last but not least

11. Imagine one loving message you could give to the world, right now. What would it be?

Life is unpredictable and it will throw things at you (literally and figuratively), things that you’d wish you never had the misfortune to encounter but it will make you stronger and wiser, but without love and friendship, strength and wisdom will mean nothing. It will amount to nothing.
Be strong, be wise but most of all be the person that can say without a doubt, “I have love in my life” , be it the love of friends or a loved one.

I would just like to thank Jae Lei Night for tagging me in this game. It is an honour in a way, and it’s also one of those “YAY! I’m part of something ‘More’” moments.

My 11 questions.

1. If you could be anyone who would you be and why?
2. What would you do if you had 1 million (of whatever currency it is you have in your country)?
3. List 5 things about you that very few people know.
4. What is one of your fondest memories?
5. What made you decide to blog?
6. What are (were) your dreams and goals for your future?
7. If you could be any animal, what would you be any why?
8. What qualities do you look for in friends?
9. What do you think is your main “fault”? (ie. I’m too trusting)
10. If you travel into the future, what would you do?
11. Why do you blog about the topics you blog about?

My 11 People

1. Literally Laurie 
2. Project Bass
3. Just Dan93
4. Tebogo Ndlovu
5. Christine
6. Organised Chaos
7. Coco J Ginger
8. I am Gerry
9. Arlen Shahverdyan
10. Parasharstales
11. Memoirs of a Dragon

Please remember that you are not obligated in any way to answer and actually continue said blog tagging. No one is going to haunt you for not continuing, you will not have 7 years bad luck nor will you wake up to see the chick from “The Ring” staring at you. NOTHING bad is going to happen to you if you don’t continue (I’m seriously still waiting to die from all the other things I never passed on – I wonder what will get to me first … The chick from “The Ring” or all the bad luck I’ve accumulated )

Have fun and enjoy it 🙂
If you have any more questions for me, please don’t hesitate to ask