Lost

Thunderous echos within
Fading; A staccato rhythm to it’s beat.

A little girl; lost within the ashen chambers,
of a palace once rose red and filled with hope.

Lost

Forgiven but never forgotten,
her past transgressions torment her

Lost within the woman she is yet to become,
she curls up in a corner;
clutching a ratty blanket of memories to her form.

A mediocre form of protection.

Anything to keep warm,
Anything to keep safe,
from the bitter coldness that now torments her every waking moment,
from the demons that now plague her soul.

The bitter coldness, that causes the adolescent that she is still is;
to teeter..
on the edge of madness,
to spread her arms open in jubilation..
to welcome the darkness within

So cold.
So very cold.

Lost within the child she has now become,
the woman clings to her sanity
and her childlike innocence..

Her belief in the promise of tomorrow;
A beacon that lights her way, pulling her away from the edge.

Still,
She stumbles and falls; succumbing to the little broken girl inside of her.
Tears falling; bright red against the stark whiteness of her surroundings.

A rose red; the same colour that her now ashen palace of dreams, once was.

I’m going to drown myself

I’m going to drown myself in the sweet melodies of my music and pretend today never happened.

I’m going to close my colour blind eyes and open them again to see the world in technicolour.

I’m going to lose myself in the rhythm,beat, drum and bass.

I’m going to scream along to lyrics to feel anything but the¬†disappointment¬†I currently feel.

I’m going to pretend for one night, that I actually matter and that I’m the only one on this over populated planet of ours.

I’m going to deafen myself listening to dance,trance, metal, rap and even R&B and hip hop.

I’m going to do any and everything to drown out the feelings inside until all I feel is the music pulsing through my system, my heart rate and breathing in sync.

I’m going to deafen myself to the sounds of everyday life until all I can hear is the music within my soul.

Music also defines who I am and what I’m feeling
Better than words ever could

 

Music defines where I’m going.

Music defines where I’ve been.

Music defines what I’m feeling.

Music defines what I’m seeing.

Music defines me.

I don’t need a plant to get high,

Music is my drug and it’s one I’ll never stop taking.