Looking Back

Despite my romantic ups and downs of the year 2012, I realized and recalled today that my ex had sent me something in a variety of languages while drunk one night. Having only remembered it now I translated it ( google etc because I’m not THAT good at translation just yet – especially it with Greek etc )

Σας έχω αγαπήσει κάθε μέρα
(I’ve loved everyday)

אני אוהב אותך עד סוף

(I love you until the end )

sin conturbantes cor meum
(If you break my heart )

私はあなたを許すことは決してありません
(I will never forgive you)

I’m not sure how to feel about it to be honest , in hindsight it was sweet while we were dating but now it feels like I’ll always have this over me, I thought I had made peace with the past and maybe I should just forget this but I’m not sure if I can. Do I really need his forgiveness? Or is my own self worth , worth more?

I also feel like I shouldn’t be asking for forgiveness for something I had no control over, he was given a choice and he made it, and I’m okay with that but sometimes it feels like I have unfinished business. I’m not one to walk away when a problem should be resolved but I feel in a situation as volatile as this, I should .

I’m a confrontational person and I don’t like to hide when I feel I can sort it out but I have also moved on with my life and I can only hope he has as well.

2012 was an educational experience for me in terms of varying “relationships” and it made me realize it IS okay if a guy walks away, it hurts but you learn. I realized that nothing has to last forever and sometimes the shorter the better. I realized I’m not as plain as I always thought I was and it’s given me more of a confidence boost as I now believe in my femininity regardless of my tomboyish ways.

I realized exactly how complex I am and I’m not sure most guys would ever be able to comprehend AND appreciate that fact.

I’m as “unique” as every other individual on this earth, perfect in being perfectly flawed and perfectly crazy ( at times – who am I kidding, all the time).

It’s all about balance and maybe one day I’ll achieve that PERFECT balance, for both the saint and sinner inside of me.

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