Gods Vs. Godzilla

The following post comes courtesy of “ninetalesfox” (Having based it on a previous post -of his, BUT from a feminine perspective and yes I received his permission first). As women there comes a time when it’s a necessary requirement that we use code words or even subtle(or not so subtle –imagine two meerkats in a library on the lookout for “predators” AKA Guys worthy of our attention; Now that is what myself and nuky are like) looks, glances , humming and rib crushing nudges to identify how we rate a guy walking past or eating lunch outside the main food court or even in one of our classes ( It’s such a pity that Blackberry camera makes a noise, especially since nuky and I are in different classes, it makes the sharing process so much harder). To do this we’ve used a scale of 1 – 10, bear in mind, the scale differs from group to group. This is an attempt to standardize our very own scale.

10. The Gods

Greek gods, Thor (as real as Chris Hemsworth is, it becomes one of those “Out of your league” cases) and every other non sparkling Hero that exist not only in our imaginations but on the “Big Screen”. They are the epitome of masculinity, sensitivity, charm and a boatload of sex appeal. These are the tall, dark and handsome men we could only dream about. These are the men that feminine wet dreams are made of. Rational thought goes flying when one of these men are around, we would need to be restrained in order to stop us from going over there and flinging ourselves at one of them. For surely no good could come of such a union besides being a notch on his bedpost. Fortunately, we savvier females are capable of class (albeit we might drool a bit but hey, we are only human after all)

9. The Taken

These are the downright handsome in an “OMG Nuky! He looks like Thor!!” kind of way. These men are not commonly found. These are the rarest type to find single hence the name “The Taken” and if you do ever have that chance, you are morally obligated to at least get some action (Even tonsil hockey) and his number (perhaps for a repeat of the previous night). And record it, to share ever so lovingly over coffee the next day with your best friend.

8. The Singer/Songwriter/Model

These are the guys with obvious good looks knows how to use em. He is often a singer/songwriter or model (Which means he’s had more than a few throw themselves at him). Now beware there are two types to this category. The self obsessed type (who won’t care about you and will have issues if A) You don’t think the sun shines out of his ass and B) your world doesn’t revolve around him ) and the genuinely nice guy type ( who respects you as a person and as his girl). If you ever manage to date someone like this, ensure it’s the nice guy type, unless you actually want to date a douche then by all means go for the self obsessed type.

7. The Boy-Next-Door

Herein you find the perfect balance. He is the perfectly balanced mix of good looks, charm and a likable (almost lovable) personality. He’s hot enough to turn heads but only those of your friends (and other random women in public). He’s the boy-next-door: Good looking bordering on downright hot but down to earth so there’s no ego involved, someone you’d bring home to meet your parents. He’s exceptional boyfriend material: He’s hot enough to turn heads , yet will still let his focus remain solely on you and not on the many women watching him. Honestly, he’s like the perfect male.

6. The Wingman

Also known (thank you fox) as ‘Second-Best’. As the best friend, this is the one you go for when you realise the higher numbers want your best friend, this is also the one you throw yourself at so your friend can have a chance with her ‘Prince Charming’ (He better be a Prince to her or I’d kick the crap out of him , and I know she’d do the same for me). They don’t even have to look good but maybe if he lost some weight, gymed a bit and if you tilt your head and squint your eyes…

5. The Creeper

With a lot of alcohol in your system, making your mind see ‘hot’ when he’s clearly a ‘not’, this is the guy that will approach you, in the hopes that you’re drunk enough to allow him access to your “Special place” (On a side note, if you’re drunk enough to do this often, then it’s not really special anymore, then it’s just a place). And the morning after when all that remains is a slight ( or not so slight) buzz in your head and you realised what you’ve done, he’ll ether seem creepy and you’ll then proceed with that awkward morning after conversation (I thankfully wouldn’t know what that conversation is, as I unfortunately don’t drink – much) or likable enough to go on a proper date with until you find out he has a few kinky fetishes for the absurd ( or Is just generally into the whole weird sex, two girls one cup, the spitting cobra type scene ). These are the guys that lurk in clubs and pubs, always keeping to the shadows and tend to only appear when the female in question looks well on her way to drunk-ville. These are the guys that don’t ‘do’ long term per say but there’s a great chance they ‘do’ however favour the stalk-you-till-you-take-me-back-bitch thing (At this point, you deactivate your Facebook account and change your name to something inconspicuous and leave the country). These guys are the stalkers, crazies and general creepers with the odd normal-won’t-stalk-you guy tossed in.

4. Male Relatives

From this point onwards, all males featured include those you wouldn’t go near with a barge pole (At least not consensually). These are men you not only friendzone but you place them on the same page as family members. They are the guys that make you take a step further than friendzoning (yes, to all my male readers you DO get worse than the friendzone), they are the guys you “Familyzone”. Whether it be as a brother or even like a father figure, this is territory you, under no circumstances, ever want to wander into. These are the best friend’s boyfriend (or Ex) or worse yet an actual relative, these are your ex’s friends and sometimes (sadly) these are the 8’s, 7’s and 6’s you know are complete tools, no matter how much you like em, these guys can even be in your group of friends (this is when it’s the most dangerous, the guys in your group of friends see you as you usually are, with your guard down ; DO NOT GO THERE – Trust me, I know, there’s way too much drama involved ). You would never insult these guys by remarking on their looks (sometimes they can even be 8’s or 7’s – Who am I kidding? You don’t let friends date below 6) but when you’re “predator” spotting ( Yes, females tend to like a bit of danger – and NO danger does not mean slapping her ), these sweethearts don’t even register as ‘dangerous’.

3-2 Poor souls

These are the guys I genuinely wish could get girls who deserve them( and by that I mean girls who love them and not just their ability to do homework or any work given because a “hot” girl asked them). The thing is, no-one can determine their genetic gene pool ( and bitches plastic surgery doesn’t work because your kids will still look like you – rather be content with who you are ) and that’s life. However if these guys ever want a girl ranked an 8 or up, my advice? Get rich. Money is a great motivator to get your trophy wife, but remember, money doesn’t buy love or happiness (unless you’re a tad psychotic and don’t actually know what happiness is), BUT bear in mind, not every “Poor Soul” is a nice “Poor Soul”, some of them have as much sensitivity as a brick and as much charm as horse shit (Avoid them like the plague).

1 Scum of the Earth

These are the guys that make Godzilla look appealing in looks and personality.


2 thoughts on “Gods Vs. Godzilla

  1. […] a laid back decent guy that on the scale of Gods Vs. Godzilla ranks an 8 and maybe a tad more, (Unfortunately, I’ll have to tone down the Jethro Appreciation […]

  2. […] previously mentioned in the “Gods Vs. Godzilla” […]

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