The “eX” Files
Yes, most of us know what it is like to have an ex and there are different parts to it I guess.
Part 2: You leaving your ex (or vice versa) and what is next.
Most relationships start out with couples being so “lovey dovey” the first month it actually makes me sick to look back and realize I was exactly the same.
It is all hearts and butterflies and probably cupids pooping rainbows.
It is also all over social networks like flies on shit.
When push comes to shove and as the months go by eventually (if you’re truly meant to be together this shouldn’t happen – but life, unfortunately is not a mills and boons romance novel, well not for the majority of the world anyway. There are those lucky few who manage to find true love) those rose tinted glasses that fogged up your view of what is actually going on begins to crack and you start seeing the person for who they really are and well just like there are relationships that end because your “significant” other left you, there are also relationships that you end.
Why you end it is solely dependent on you. Your needs, your desires and the things your partner cannot give you.
Sometimes it is about respect.
Either your partner does not respect you or vice versa
Sometimes it is about money.
Either your partner is not giving enough (you’re shallow if you believe that) or you’re giving too much (“Drop em like it’s hot” as Snoop Dogg would say)
Sometimes it is about sex.
Either your partner does not “put out” or demands too much when you’re not ready or he/she is a tad too “freaky” in the bedroom for your liking.
There are honestly so many different reasons why you and your seemingly “perfect” other half could split, I would never be able to list it all.
Sometimes we end a relationship and to save face we say it was a mutual agreement, sometimes it actually was one. Other times we lie and say we ended it, also to save face because who really wants to be the person people pity because he/she got duped and dumped and other times we’re honestly (Deep down) so glad it was ended by the other person just because people will think she/he is a bitch or a bastard for dumping you (FACT OF LIFE).
The main question for anyone newly out of a relationship is “What now?” especially if you are the one that was dumped.
First and foremost
You need to realize that SHIT HAPPENS it’s part of life and life goes on, if you need more help than that rely on your friends and family members. They know you better than anyone else. If you need additional help I am willing to offer advice and a cyber shoulder to cry on (I’m nice like that) and if I can’t help you I would suggest a professional psychologist.
DO NOT ever say or succumb to the “we can still be friends” line , the equivalent of that, as some wise person once said is – “We can still be friends” is like saying “Hey the dog died but we can keep it” –. Saying that line is just pure stupidity (depending on A) the type of break up AND b) the type of person) and could open up a whole can of worms you just do not want to go fishing with. Succumbing to that line is even worse, especially if you still harbour feelings for the person that said it, I can guarantee there is going to be a lot of pain involved in it for you
The “Things”.During most relationships, items would be given to one another, be it letters or articles of clothing, photographs or even jewellery. What you do with it is up to you. Personally I’d give it back ( but since I didn’t have the guts to do it ) or you could box it up and put it in storage ( I did this ) or you could burn the lot in a bonfire and kiss those memories goodbye (many find this method brings them closure). Don’t be tacky and ask for jewellery back because honestly, what are you going to do with it? Giving it to someone else is NOT an option. EVER. However I suppose you could sell it but its still tacky.
Do not succumb to the guy/ girl that seemingly latches onto you the minute they hear you’re single. It can only lead to disaster especially if that person had his/her chance BEFORE you found yourself in a relationship with your ex. Kindly but firmly tell them you need space because you need to get your life in order ( or be mean and tell them to Fuck off either way works)
Have some tact when starting a new relationship (don’t flaunt it over social networks, it makes you look desperate for attention) wait for a decent period of time before SLOWLY integrating this other person onto your social networks, bear in mind that it is only if you feel the need to “stake your claim” and show the world you did better (don’t show the world if you dropped your standards – Seriously. DO NOT SHOW THE WORLD)
Do not advertise your new relationship on social networks like it’s a new puppy or sports award. It is NOT going to end well if the relationship ends, however if you do feel the need to share it with the world ( I admit, I sometimes feel that need) then do it in a way that yeah your friends etc know but DO NOT EVER stoop to the level of slandering the other person if it ends. Facebook ex wars are fucken funny for those of us watching (reading) but can also be painful for the people involved especially if you share a group of friends.
The “rebound” thing works perfectly, provided you’re not “rebounding” with someone that actually thinks it’s going to end up being a proper relationship. Make sure the rules are clear from the start. Sometimes you may even find that you have stronger than average feelings for your “rebound” and that’s okay. Just always make sure you’re on the same page with the person
As much fun as it would be to make your ex jealous with your new partner it’s not always the way to go unless (forgive me I am but human and bear in mind, the little imp on my shoulder made me put this here) your ex was a complete dick-wad/bitch and you know for a fact your new partner can hold his/her own against them then by all means: GO FOR IT
And mostly importantly
Take it slow. Don’t rush into anything just so you can forget.
Just be you. Its the most important thing you can do
There’s also so many different things you can do to move on with your life to find that special someone.
That someone that deserves and accepts you despite your quirks.
All I can say (as overused – and surprisingly full of historical meaning- as it may be) is,
“Keep calm and carry on”