Settling

In this big wide world of ours I have realized I am sick of “settling”.

I am sick of settling for almost any guy I find appealing that wants me, I am sick of taking my ex’s emotional abuse (I  mean for heaven’s sake he left ME but now won’t leave me be to get on with my life – but that is another story)

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy having “fun” and nothing serious with a guy (Serious can’t exactly happen for now) and that’s what I am doing but …

I am sick of falling for guys that show interest and then forget about me as if my being and my feelings are inconsequential. I am sick of running after them, trying to initiate conversation with them just to be given replies that are formulated well enough to not be rude but curt enough to discourage further attempt at contact and me being me I still attempt to initiate contact..

With ASSHOLES…

And the crap is the “friend zone” exists for a reason and it is not always a bad thing.

I have seen the fallout of best friends dating and it going wrong.

I have seen how two people, who would talk every day, barely look at each other, each too wrapped up in his or her own life to notice the hurt in the other’s eyes.

I kind of messed up one of my friendships that way, and I in the end I am grateful that nothing really happened.

His still the person I turn to when I need comfort.

His still the logical one when I go bat shit crazy and lose it.

I am the girl he sometimes turns to for analytical advice on chick behaviour

And yeah this does not exactly help the situation but our friendship managed to survive a lot even our clumsy attempt at something more. Yes it was crappy at the time for both of us and not just because of the distance or my parents but we both were not ready. No matter what we might say. Friend zoning has its downsides but there are also the positives that most overlook.

I have attempted numerous friendships and besides the one I have with my female best friend, He is the one that managed by some miracle to stick around the longest through all the moods, tantrums, parental drama and even my various stages of depression. He was there. His always been there and one day I am not sure what I would do if his gone.

In my own weird way, I love him like no other.

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