Every touch I do not give…

Every touch I do not give
Every kiss I refuse to share
Every chance I do not linger

Settles within my being …
Akin to an infestation in my soul.
A plague I cannot be purged of,
A disease I cannot be rid of.

What name do I place on this?
By what shall I call it, it that slowly suffocates my being?
Shall I call it…

Guilt? …
As endless as time.
Despair?
Greater than the abysmal barren wilderness.
Self loathing? …
Deeper than the oceans depths.

What am I meant to do?

Hurt a loved one for inner calm…
Or
Be hurt by a festering spirit for the sake of a loved one.

How do I choose between the lesser of two evils…?

When one…
Sees to my own needs…
Disregarding another’s.
The other forsaking all I am…
Disregarding myself for another.

I do not know what to do anymore…

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