I think it’s ironic, a day after posting about how I couldn’t get over him.
The feelings are there but it’s intensity have cooled to semi arctic levels.
Admittedly, when I saw him I thought I lost my mind, turned my car around and headed back into the utter chaos of the shopping center I had just left.
I had lost all sanity and reason in that moment , not knowing what else to do, the need to see his face when he saw me and realized he could not escape giving me a straight forward answer overwhelmed me. I walked , paced , trying to find him. Trying to get this explanation I thought I needed. When I realized, he wasn’t alone in the car when I saw him, and if I’m not mistaken he was with his ex.
The realization hit me and I understood, I wondered what choice I would have made if placed in a similar position?
I’m glad to be back in my own skin, so to speak.
I’m grateful to him for the lessons I’ve learnt about myself and how I view others, my own natural intensity as I try to chase the illusion of happiness.
While meanwhile happiness was within my grasp, held by my subconscious mind all along.
I’m grateful he provided to be the muse I needed to start with my writing again, that jump start, that spark that took away the mental block my mind had built up as I submerged myself in my studies.
I’m grateful to realize I have plenty of wonderful people in my life, who helped me with my momentary loss of sanity and common sense. I thank these people, my darling Nuky, my dear Wabsy, Il mio agellino, poor Michael ( who resorted to mentioning my “hexing” first days of high school ) , my sometimes not so charmingly greek companion who provided ample distraction when I needed it and a few others that I won’t name
I am strong enough to face anything life throws at me, I hadn’t done anything that necessitated a karmic reaction, I just chose the wrong person to look after my heart and spirit.
But for now, I’m glad that I am free.
Next time I’ll sic Nuky on the guy first, just to make sure he has the right intentions XD
“No more tears, my heart is dry
I don’t laugh and I don’t cry
I don’t think about you all the time
But when I do – I wonder why” – The Reckoning Song ; Asaf Avidan